As I was driving home from running errands one day recently, I heard the DJ announce that the weather would be 15 Degrees and Sunny.
I let that roll around in my head for a moment, and decided that this statement (even though seemingly an oxymoron) was the title of this Life’s Chapter.
God has been good to me, even when bad things do come my way… even when I am looking for His pulse in my life; He is there. Now, the majority of my years on Earth have been safe and protected. I have had many answered prayers, and multiple stories have ended well. However, in the rare times that I realize that I’m not immune to this world- I take great strides at remembering how I got through the last valley.
The past several months have had me searching for His presence again. I feel cold, uncomfortable, anxious to feel something other than… Numb. But, as I can barely stand beneath the weight of this winter in my life- the Sun SHINES. I don’t feel it; but it’s there. At some point, this icy blanket will begin to thaw. And, with every single drip- I will thank God for the small signs of warmth. I want to feel His hugs again. I want to thank Him for all the satisfaction He has given me in His past embraces.
Jeff’s illnesses have caused me to revisit my vows. When we were fresh and new and ready for everything that was beautiful and fair, I didn’t realize that there may be a time where things would feel foreign. I am trying to understand that love is there… even when you don’t feel it. Even when he cannot hold me the way he used to, or think of me the way he used to… I will still be here- Loving him… just as He is loving me. And slowly, we will see Spring again.