I try to ignore it,
Yet, it still persists.
Facial spasms
and checked-off lists.
I try not to,
but I reminisce,
of lingering glances
and late night trysts,
of extended fingers
and tightly clenched fists.
Though I try,
I just can’t dismiss
That I’m hanging on
by mere finger tips.
My feet are dangling
off this precipice.
The fear is crippling,
But curiosity insists.
My heart never remembers…
But my head never forgets.

“I’ve Got My Tight Pants On!”

Yes, I realize the song is probably going through your head right now.  Hopefully it brings a smile with it as you mentally picture Jimmy Fallon and Will Ferrell singing and dancing in their tight, white pants.

1336749297165.cachedIt makes me smile… well, as long as I’m thinking about them.

If I stop and think about myself and how MY pants are getting tighter (again), it makes me hope everyone is not talking about them!  Of course that’s being completely self-absorbed, isn’t it?  I don’t want to worry about whether people think my pants are too tight… whether they’re too lose… or even if they’re just right… I just want to be COMFORTABLE in them.

And by saying that, I really mean I want to be comfortable being ME.  For far too long (and by that, I mean basically the majority of my 34 years of life), I’ve worried about what others think about me.  Worrying about things like the following (they’re not necessarily in any particular order and also don’t cover all of my insecurities, but you’ll get the point): my weight, appearance, intellect, creativity or lack thereof, ability to relate to others, ability to express myself, whether I’m being a good wife/mom/daughter/sister/teacher/friend/Christian, etc. or just being “successful” in life overall.

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Better Late Than NEVER

So I have to begin by apologizing to my sisters (and probably my husband too) because we were supposed to start this blog back in October… yes, as in four months ago! … and do at least ONE blog a month for six months.  Yeah, I have procrastinated in the past, but certainly not this bad!

When thinking about why I kept putting it off, this is what I came up with: 1. I believe both of my sisters are intelligent, creative, and good with words and that they both have something to say.  It is evident when you “hear” their words- whether verbal or written.  2. Although I love and admire this about both of them, I am also intimidated by it.  I don’t feel like I can always express myself the best or right way and may not really have anything people want to hear.

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